The Toyes

by The Toyes

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about

"The debut from this Oregon-based reggae band shows lots of promise. It's got that slightly ragged, self-released sound about it, but all the necessary ingredients are there: intelligent, often funny lyrics, hooky melodies, ponderous basslines. The Toyes' signature tune seems to be the whimsical "Two Joints" ("I smoke two joints in times of peace/And two in times of war/I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints/And then I smoke two more"). It begins the program, and the album ends with two more versions, one in Spanish and one in French. In between there's a spectacular reggae version of "Freebird" and a hilarious sendup of the old novelty tune "Monster Mash," rewritten and dubbed (as it were) "Monster Hash." Among the fine originals are "Wake Up (And Smell the Java)" and "Late Night Bozos," which takes on Leno and Letterman. The bandleader is a guy named Mawg who can't seem to decide whether to fake a Jamaican accent (correct answer: don't), but who has a great voice and an incisive, smart-alecky sense of humor. The band kicks consistently and hard. Get these guys into a good studio and they'll make some major noise."

~ Rick Anderson of allmusic.com

credits

released January 1, 1996

Produced by Mawg + B-dub
"Smoke Two Joints" + Translations produced by Mawg + Sky

The Toyes Are:
Mawg - Vocals, Guitars
Sky - Bass
B-dub - Keys, Guitar
Hux - Percussion, Drums
Rags - Keys
(Everyone sings backups + pounds on things)
Thanks to Ricci Accardi - Drums on "Smoke Two Joints"
Recorded + Mixed by Mawg + B-dub, except for
"Smoke 2..." + Translations also recorded by Ed Roy + Submixed by Don Ross
"Dos Lenos" Translation by Jose Barragan
Mastered by Bernie Grundman at his place

Thanks to: Everyone at KROQ, Especially Native Wayne Jobson (All the best, Wayne!)
Dr. Demento + Dementoids everywhere (Stay demented!)
The people of Hawaii (Don't you think it's time we gave them back their islands?)
John Grappone, Austin Godsey, Sublime, The Folks At Bug Music, Ira Selsky, Bob Keller, Bush Doktor, Papa Pilgrim, Steve Lang

Extra Huge Thanks To: Zachary Magic Kay, Paulette Kay, Carol Durr, Bob Durr, Rick Grossman, David Bolen, Mike Sidon

Peace + Love To All!

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The Toyes Grants Pass, Oregon

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Track Name: Smoke Two Joints [original 1983 version]
I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night
I smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright
I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war
I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more

Oh, my daddy he once told me, "Son, you be hard working man"
My mama she once told me, "Son, you do the best you can"
But then one day I met a man who came to me and said
"Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head"

So now,
I smoke two joints when I get up, in the car I smoke two joints
I smoke two joints when I play video game
And at every ten thousand points
(I smoke two joints)
I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war
I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more

Oh, my daddy he once told me, "Son, you be hard working man"
My mama she once told me, "Son, you do the best you can"
But then one day I met a man who came to me and said
"Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head"

I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night
I smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright
I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war
I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more

SMOKE TWO JOINTS
That's what I do
SMOKE TWO JOINTS
Come and smoke two joints with me in the morning
SMOKE TWO JOINTS
Come and smoke two joints with me in the afternoon, yeah
SMOKE TWO JOINTS
Hey, would you rather smoke two joints or would you rather do your homework?
SMOKE TWO JOINTS
I knew you were going to say that!
SMOKE TWO JOINTS
SMOKE TWO JOINTS
That's what I do!
SMOKE TWO JOINTS
Track Name: Freebird
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change
Track Name: (Hey Uncle Sam) Leave Us Pot Smokers Alone
The murderers keep murderin'
The churches keep a burnin'
The rapists keep a rapin'
And the tide ain't turnin'

Uncle Sam for all your power
Things get worse every hour
It seems to me your energies
Are wasted chasin' my friends and me

Chorus:
So hey, Uncle Sam
Leave us pot smokers alone
Uncle Sam
Leave us pot smokers alone

The terrorists keep terrorizin'
Our leaders keep a lyin'
The haters keep a hatin'
And the planet's dyin'

Uncle Sam, do what's proper
Call off your dogs and your helicopters
The problems of society
Were not caused by my friends and me

Chorus

How many innocent people gonna be imprisoned
We're just peace lovin' spleef puffin brotherhood freaks
A touch of Mother Nature never made nobody violent
Never made nobody hate nobody or break nobody's peace

It's never been shown to be harmful don't you tell me no lies
With your caffeine codeine nicotine eyes
The cannabis ban is just recent just since 1938
Relegalize it. Realize it. You made a big mistake

Chorus
Track Name: The Lucky Sperm Club
Look at that guy with the new Mercedes
A great big house and fancy ladies
Winning the game by dropping Daddy's name
And hanging with the other Lucky Sperm Club babies
The swinging king of the society scene
Gets obscene in a limousine
Charging cheap thrills full of frivolous frills
Taking lazy luxury to new extremes

And oh it must be fun
To be so wealthy, healthy, rich and young
One might wonder what he's done
To become the fortunate one

He's another member of the Lucky Sperm Club
The only thing he had to do was be conceived
It's great to be a member of the Lucky Sperm Club
Living in the lap of lazy luxury
Yawee
A guy like me should be so lucky

It's a special club for the privileged few
Not for me, not for you
It's a wonderful life, no stress no strife
Never hurry never worry like the poor folk do

And oh it must be fun
To be so wealthy, filthy rich and young
One might wonder what great things they've done
To become the fortunate ones

He's another member of the Lucky Sperm Club
The only thing he had to do was be conceived
It's great to be a member of the Lucky Sperm Club
Born into the lap of lazy luxury
Yawee
A guy like me should be so lucky

The Lucky Sperm Club population is there by relation
They don't fill out applications and they pay no dues
You must inherit your invitation to this celebration
And The Lucky Sperm Club band don't play no blues

Oh, if it were my son
If one sweet someday all the work I've done
Is enough to ensure that my boy
Will become the fortunate one

Then he can be a member of the Lucky Sperm Club
The only thing he had to do was be conceived
I hope that he's a member of the Lucky Sperm Club
Born into the lap of lazy luxury
Yawee
And when I'm old he'll take good care of me
Track Name: Blues Line
Another nasty morning
Can't remember what I did the night before
I've probably been a bad boy
And I know there's gonna be a price to pay for sure
And I know I'm gonna swear
That this will be the last time
But come tomorrow morning loud and clear

I'll hear the blues line ringing
I guess it's ringing for me
I hear the blues line ringing
It's probably ringing for me

I try not to answer
'Cause I know that it can only be bad news
What did I do this time
And tell me how much are the dues
Take your place in line
Baby take a number
Cause I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take this other call

I hear the blues line ringing
I guess it's ringing for me
I hear the blues line ringing
It's ringing for me

Caught in a loop of my own undoing
I try to stop dancing but the beat goes on
Is that my conscience I hear pursuing?
Good thing my memory's gone
If I were subjected to a true objective viewing
I might stop to cop to I've been doing things wrong
So it seems at the seams I'm ungluing
Meanwhile the party goes on

And I know I'm gonna swear
That this will be the last time
But come tomorrow morning loud and clear

I'll hear the blues line ringing
Ringing for me
I hear the blues line ringing
Yeah it's ringing for me
Track Name: Wake Up (And Smell The Java)
Wake up

Wake up and smell the java
Sit up and pay attention
Stand up for what you believe in
Speak up til somebody listens

You can be joyful. why be blue?
The dreams you are makin
Are there for the takin
Sowhaddaya gonna do?

Wake up and smell the java
Shake up the status quo
Wise up there is no use in waiting
Wake up and smell the java

No one can stop ya cep yourself
If what you are doin
Is not worth pursuin
Yabettado somethin else

Rise up a new day is dawnin
Live up to your own expectations
Read up knowledge is power
Wake up and smell the java

Listen
Open up your eyes
There's a whole world out there
Open your eyes
Wake up

Wake up
You want to lift up your spirits
Be up to every challenge
Wake up and smell the java
Make up your mind
Wise up there's no use waiting
Wake up and smell the java

Wake up

Speak up til somebody listens
Track Name: Late Night Bozos
The late night network TV shows
With celebrities smiling in their famous clothes
Sitting pretty, spitting witticisms on success
To a cackling clown behind a cardboard desk

In the Late Night Talk Wars
To pacify the truly bored
Corporations paying through the nose
To bring us Late Night Bozos
We love the Late Night Talk Shows

We've had enough of David so we settle for Jay
At this point anything different would be OK
We'll miss Dave's band but we settle for Jay
We've had enough of David. Hello Jay.
But we're laughing less at Leno so it's back to Dave
Although Jay used to be funny before his talk show host days
We're laughing less at Leno so it's back to Dave
Our finger's on the button. We zap him away

It's the Late Night Talk Wars - get off the couch and live your life
To pacify the truly bored - turn off the television
Corporations paying through the nose - to sell their useless shit
To bring us Late Night Bozos
We love the Late Night Talk Shows

And I can't name one reason why
The tired schtick of these two guys
Should superglue our bloodshot eyes
To their expensive suits and their ugly ties

Remember Chevy, Pat, Arsenio, Dennis and Jon
Peppy pop pundits. Poof, where have they gone?
Remember Chevy, Pat, Arsenio, Dennis and Jon
Early K.O.s, Dave and Jay battle on
So we're flippin' and a floppin' between Leno and Dave
Hours are lost and fortunes are made
Let's stop flip-floppin' between Leno and Dave
Turn the TV off and walk away

From the Late Night Talk Wars - get off the couch and live your life
To pacify the truly bored - turn off the television
Corporations paying through the nose - to sell their useless shit
To bring us Late Night Bozos
We love the Late Night Talk Shows
Track Name: Something Went Down In Jerusalem
Something went down in Jerusalem
We don't know what it was
Something went down in Jerusalem
Was it Jesus or aliens?

Something went down in Jerusalem
A long, long time ago
Something heavy had to happen in Jerusalem
What it was we'll never know

For thousands of years so many millions have been fighting
Over Jerusalem. Everybody's Holy Land
And for thousands of years so many voices crying
My god your god his god their god somebody's god

So many gods in one small town
Is a little bitty bit too much of a coincidence
I'll lay you odds that what went down

Was a stop on a trip of an alien ship
With a guy from the sky doing magic tricks
Like walking on water, turn it into wine
And we thought he was god

Believe what ya like but
Something went down in Jerusalem
We don't know what it was
Something went down in Jerusalem
Was it Allah or aliens?

No photos of what happened in Jerusalem
They had no CNN
But something went down in Jerusalem
Was it Jehovah or aliens?

From lightyears away, they might have come here on vacation
To Jerusalem
They came here to play with no intention
Of creating controversy or sensation

So many gods in one small town
Is a little bitty bit too much of a coincidence
Alien pods were never found

Jehovah, Jah, Allah, Ra, Jesus or whatever
Even if it was aliens, why not get together?
Agree to disagree respectfully about
Jehovah, Jah, Allah, Ra, Jesus or space traveller

Believe it or not, brah
Something went down

They had no CNN
Track Name: Listen To The Radio
Let's you and me go hear a rock & roll band
They play all night long, we'll dance all night long
But you just want to sit and listen to the radio

Maybe baby we could take a walk in the night
While the moon is high and the mood is right
But you just want to sit and listen to the radio

Radio
Your mind is on the air
Listen to the radio
Do you even care
If it's AM or FM radio
I don't know

I try to whisper sweet things into your ear
But your headphone's on and you can't hear me
All you ever want to do is listen to the radio

I call you on the telephone but time after time
Your recorded voice comes on the line
Saying "Please leave a message 'cause I'm listening to the radio"

Radio
Your mind is on the air
Listen to the radio
Do you even care
If it's AM or FM radio
I certainly hope so

You love your DJ. He talks so funky
You dial his number. Request line junkie
A busy signal or endless ringing
Do you request the song I'm singing
When you listen to the
When you listen to the
When you listen to the radio

I wrote a song for you on my guitar yesterday
That I want to play to serenade you
But I can tell that you would rather listen to the radio

Let's you and me go hear a rock & roll band
They play all night long, we'll dance all night long
But you just want to sit and listen to the radio
You just want to sit and listen to the radio
You just want to sit and listen to the radio
Track Name: I Come From The Islands
Just because I come from the islands
Doesn't mean that I can't rock & roll
My heart sings out the melodies of my lands
And the rhythm of the surf pounds in my soul

The windblown trees are hypnotically swaying
As we run and sing like children holding hands
We feel the primal beat of nature playing
Laughing we dance barefoot in the sand
Laughing we dance barefoot in the sand

Molten mountains
Rise up from the sea
Fiery fountains
Create this paradise we see

All the lands of Mother Earth are islands
We are all arisen from the sea
The brothers and the sisters of the oceans
Let us all reach out in harmony
Let us all reach out in harmony

Molten mountains
Rise up from the sea
Fiery fountains
Create this paradise we see

Just because I come from the islands
Doesn't mean that I can't rock & roll
My heart sings out the melodies of my lands
And the rhythm of the surf pounds in my soul
The rhythm of the surf pounds in my soul
Track Name: Sing To Me Tonight
I am not nervous or worried
There is no way you'll say no way (never happen)
I've got a six-string secret weapon
And the song I plan to play will make you say

I love the way you sing to me
Hearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is right
I love the song you bring to me
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight

I am no master of romance
I've been shot down a time or two (believe it or not)
But now my six-string secret weapon
Is loaded with this song and aimed at you (and you'll say)

I love the way you sing to me
Hearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is right
I love the song you bring to me
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight

Can you hear me now? (Oh, yes)
Are you under my song's power? (Oh, yes)
Are your inhibitions gone?
Will you stay the whole night long?
A prisoner of my song of love 'til dawn (and you'll say)

I love the way you sing to me
Hearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is right
I love the song you bring to me
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight
Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight
Track Name: Nobody Home
I love your look
I love your walk
Nobody Home...
Track Name: What's So Bad About A Nipple
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this - no no no

What's so bad about a nipple?
Are we afaid that the devil might be lurking there?
Will our souls be corrupted by the sight of a de-cupped tit?
Tell me what's so bad about a nipple that's bare?

I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this - no no no

What's so bad about a penis?
An ordinary organ just hanging there
Will the sight of a male member give us rabies or distemper?
Tell me what's so bad about a penis that's bare?

I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this

But for those muscle-headed zeroes
Our beloved TV heroes
We clap and we cheer as they whip out their guns
And when the blood and guts are splattered
It really doesn't matter
It's just good clean American fun

I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this - no no no

What's so bad about our bodies?
Beautifully covered with skin and hair
Is our nakedness so awful that exposure is unlawful?
Tell me what's so bad about a body that's bare?

I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this, but I can't show you that
I can show you this - no no no
Track Name: Monster Hash
I was working in the lab late one night
When I heard the gurgle of a waterpipe
So I turned to see my monster in a cloud of smoke
Who said "This shit ain't bad, here, have a toke"

(We smoked some hash) - We smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - It was his personal stash
(We smoked some hash) - We got completely trashed
(On monster hash) - We smoked some monster hash

As we partied in the castle with the living dead
Mouths were dry and eyes were red
The ghouls and goblins shrieked and screamed
"Won't somebody please pass the Visine"

(They smoked some hash) - They smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - From Frankie's personal stash
(We smoked some hash) - And they all were smashed
(On monster hash) - They smoked some monster hash

The mummy was toking on a bong
Wolfman said "Don't bogart that, pass it along"
The swamp thing was toasted, rolling on the floor
Laughing hysterically and pleading for more

The scene was rocking as the werewolves moved
To the undead reggae band's dance hall grooves
Meanwhile in the kitchen Frankenstein baked
Some Alice B. Toklas brownies and cakes



(We ate some hash) - We ate some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - It had the graveyard smashed
(We ate some hash) - And we all got trashed
(On monster hash) - We ate some monster hash

The party would have gone on 'til we all passed out
But just then we heard a bloodcurdling shout
"Watch out, beware, cover your necks
Dracula's got the munchies, and he's totally wrecked"

(He smoked some hash) - He smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - He was completely smashed
(He smoked some hash) - That transylvanian's trashed
(On monster hash) - He smoked some monster hash

Now every night the dead rise up from the grave
To partake in our happening THC rave
For you, the living, this hash was meant, too
When you get to my door just say the Toyes sent you

(We'll smoke some hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - And we'll all get trashed
(We'll smoke some hash) - From my personal stash
(Of monster hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash

mmmm - that shit gooood
Easy, boy, save some for daddy
mmm - hash gooood
Track Name: Dos Lenos
Dos leños por la manana, dos lenos al anochecer
Dos leños por la tarde, que me llenan de placer
Dos leños en tiempo de guerra, y dos en tiempo de paz
Dos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños mas

Mi padre me dijo una vez
"Debes de trabajar"
Mi madre me dijo una vez
"No dejes de mejorar"
Pero un dia conoci a un senor me dijo "Ven aca,
Trabajar y mejorar, y cura tu cabesa"

Por eso,
Dos leños al levantarme, dos lenos para llevar
Dos leños cuando juego videos, y a cada diez mil puntos
Dos leños mas
Dos leños en tiempo de guerra
Y dos en tiempo de paz
Dos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños mas

Mi padre me dijo una vez
"Debes de trabajar"
Mi madre me dijo una vez
"No dejes de mejorar"
Pero un dia conoci a un senor me dijo "Ven aca,
Trabajar y mejorar, y cura tu cabesa"

Dos leños por la manana, dos lenos al anochecer
Dos leños por la tarde, que me llenan de placer
Dos leños en tiempo de guerra, y dos en tiempo de paz
Dos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños mas
DOS LEÑOS
Eso hago!
DOS LEÑOS
Veni fumar dos leños con migo
DOS LEÑOS
Ire a fumar dos leños mas con tigo
DOS LEÑOS
Dos leños mas o seguimos jalando?
DOS LEÑOS
Ven a fumar!
DOS LEÑOS
DOS LEÑOS
Eso hago!!
DOS LEÑOS
Track Name: Fume Deux Joints
Je fume deux joints chaque matin, Je fume deux joints la nuit
Je fumes deux joints apres dejeuner, Deux joints et je souris
Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerre
Je fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints,Puis je me fume encore une paire

Maman me disait toujours "Fils, il faut travailler dur"
Papa me disait toujours "Fils il faut etre fort et sur"
Mais un jour un sage m'a donne L'universelle recette
"Boulot bon et boulot bien Mais n'oublies pas la tete"

Et depuis,
Je fume deux joints en me levant, Sur la route je fume deux joints
Je fume deux joints en jouant jeux videos, Et a chaque dix mille points
(Je fume deux joints),
Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerre
Je fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints, Puis j'allumes encore une paire
****
Oh, my daddy he once told me "Son, you be hard working man"
My mama she once told me "Son, do the best you can"
But then one day I met a man who came to me and said
"Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head"

Alors,
Je fume deux joints en me levant, Sur la route je fume deux joints
Je fume deux joints en jouant jeux videos, Et a chaque dix mille points
(Je fume deux joints)
Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerre
Je fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints, Puis j'allumes encore une paire

FUME DEUX JOINTS
C'est ce que je fais, moi!
FUME DEUX JOINTS
Viens fumer deux joints avec moi dans la matinee
FUME DEUX JOINTS
Viens fumer deux joints avec moi dans la soiree
FUME DEUX JOINTS
Alors, on fume deux joints ou on se remet au boulot?
FUME DEUX JOINTS
J'savais que t'allais dire ca!
FUME DEUX JOINTS
C'est ce que je fais, moi!
FUME DEUX JOINTS