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The Toyes

by The Toyes

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1.
I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night I smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more Oh, my daddy he once told me, "Son, you be hard working man" My mama she once told me, "Son, you do the best you can" But then one day I met a man who came to me and said "Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head" So now, I smoke two joints when I get up, in the car I smoke two joints I smoke two joints when I play video game And at every ten thousand points (I smoke two joints) I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more Oh, my daddy he once told me, "Son, you be hard working man" My mama she once told me, "Son, you do the best you can" But then one day I met a man who came to me and said "Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head" I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night I smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of war I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more SMOKE TWO JOINTS That's what I do SMOKE TWO JOINTS Come and smoke two joints with me in the morning SMOKE TWO JOINTS Come and smoke two joints with me in the afternoon, yeah SMOKE TWO JOINTS Hey, would you rather smoke two joints or would you rather do your homework? SMOKE TWO JOINTS I knew you were going to say that! SMOKE TWO JOINTS SMOKE TWO JOINTS That's what I do! SMOKE TWO JOINTS
2.
Freebird 04:21
If I leave here tomorrow Would you still remember me? For I must be travelling on, now, 'Cause there's too many places I've got to see. But, if I stayed here with you, girl, Things just couldn't be the same. 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now, And this bird you can not change. Lord knows, I can't change. Bye, bye, its been a sweet love. Though this feeling I can't change. But please don't take it badly, 'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame. But, if I stayed here with you girl, Things just couldn't be the same. Cause I'm as free as a bird now, And this bird you'll never change. And this bird you can not change. Lord knows, I can't change. Lord help me, I can't change
3.
The murderers keep murderin' The churches keep a burnin' The rapists keep a rapin' And the tide ain't turnin' Uncle Sam for all your power Things get worse every hour It seems to me your energies Are wasted chasin' my friends and me Chorus: So hey, Uncle Sam Leave us pot smokers alone Uncle Sam Leave us pot smokers alone The terrorists keep terrorizin' Our leaders keep a lyin' The haters keep a hatin' And the planet's dyin' Uncle Sam, do what's proper Call off your dogs and your helicopters The problems of society Were not caused by my friends and me Chorus How many innocent people gonna be imprisoned We're just peace lovin' spleef puffin brotherhood freaks A touch of Mother Nature never made nobody violent Never made nobody hate nobody or break nobody's peace It's never been shown to be harmful don't you tell me no lies With your caffeine codeine nicotine eyes The cannabis ban is just recent just since 1938 Relegalize it. Realize it. You made a big mistake Chorus
4.
Look at that guy with the new Mercedes A great big house and fancy ladies Winning the game by dropping Daddy's name And hanging with the other Lucky Sperm Club babies The swinging king of the society scene Gets obscene in a limousine Charging cheap thrills full of frivolous frills Taking lazy luxury to new extremes And oh it must be fun To be so wealthy, healthy, rich and young One might wonder what he's done To become the fortunate one He's another member of the Lucky Sperm Club The only thing he had to do was be conceived It's great to be a member of the Lucky Sperm Club Living in the lap of lazy luxury Yawee A guy like me should be so lucky It's a special club for the privileged few Not for me, not for you It's a wonderful life, no stress no strife Never hurry never worry like the poor folk do And oh it must be fun To be so wealthy, filthy rich and young One might wonder what great things they've done To become the fortunate ones He's another member of the Lucky Sperm Club The only thing he had to do was be conceived It's great to be a member of the Lucky Sperm Club Born into the lap of lazy luxury Yawee A guy like me should be so lucky The Lucky Sperm Club population is there by relation They don't fill out applications and they pay no dues You must inherit your invitation to this celebration And The Lucky Sperm Club band don't play no blues Oh, if it were my son If one sweet someday all the work I've done Is enough to ensure that my boy Will become the fortunate one Then he can be a member of the Lucky Sperm Club The only thing he had to do was be conceived I hope that he's a member of the Lucky Sperm Club Born into the lap of lazy luxury Yawee And when I'm old he'll take good care of me
5.
Blues Line 04:13
Another nasty morning Can't remember what I did the night before I've probably been a bad boy And I know there's gonna be a price to pay for sure And I know I'm gonna swear That this will be the last time But come tomorrow morning loud and clear I'll hear the blues line ringing I guess it's ringing for me I hear the blues line ringing It's probably ringing for me I try not to answer 'Cause I know that it can only be bad news What did I do this time And tell me how much are the dues Take your place in line Baby take a number Cause I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take this other call I hear the blues line ringing I guess it's ringing for me I hear the blues line ringing It's ringing for me Caught in a loop of my own undoing I try to stop dancing but the beat goes on Is that my conscience I hear pursuing? Good thing my memory's gone If I were subjected to a true objective viewing I might stop to cop to I've been doing things wrong So it seems at the seams I'm ungluing Meanwhile the party goes on And I know I'm gonna swear That this will be the last time But come tomorrow morning loud and clear I'll hear the blues line ringing Ringing for me I hear the blues line ringing Yeah it's ringing for me
6.
Wake up Wake up and smell the java Sit up and pay attention Stand up for what you believe in Speak up til somebody listens You can be joyful. why be blue? The dreams you are makin Are there for the takin Sowhaddaya gonna do? Wake up and smell the java Shake up the status quo Wise up there is no use in waiting Wake up and smell the java No one can stop ya cep yourself If what you are doin Is not worth pursuin Yabettado somethin else Rise up a new day is dawnin Live up to your own expectations Read up knowledge is power Wake up and smell the java Listen Open up your eyes There's a whole world out there Open your eyes Wake up Wake up You want to lift up your spirits Be up to every challenge Wake up and smell the java Make up your mind Wise up there's no use waiting Wake up and smell the java Wake up Speak up til somebody listens
7.
The late night network TV shows With celebrities smiling in their famous clothes Sitting pretty, spitting witticisms on success To a cackling clown behind a cardboard desk In the Late Night Talk Wars To pacify the truly bored Corporations paying through the nose To bring us Late Night Bozos We love the Late Night Talk Shows We've had enough of David so we settle for Jay At this point anything different would be OK We'll miss Dave's band but we settle for Jay We've had enough of David. Hello Jay. But we're laughing less at Leno so it's back to Dave Although Jay used to be funny before his talk show host days We're laughing less at Leno so it's back to Dave Our finger's on the button. We zap him away It's the Late Night Talk Wars - get off the couch and live your life To pacify the truly bored - turn off the television Corporations paying through the nose - to sell their useless shit To bring us Late Night Bozos We love the Late Night Talk Shows And I can't name one reason why The tired schtick of these two guys Should superglue our bloodshot eyes To their expensive suits and their ugly ties Remember Chevy, Pat, Arsenio, Dennis and Jon Peppy pop pundits. Poof, where have they gone? Remember Chevy, Pat, Arsenio, Dennis and Jon Early K.O.s, Dave and Jay battle on So we're flippin' and a floppin' between Leno and Dave Hours are lost and fortunes are made Let's stop flip-floppin' between Leno and Dave Turn the TV off and walk away From the Late Night Talk Wars - get off the couch and live your life To pacify the truly bored - turn off the television Corporations paying through the nose - to sell their useless shit To bring us Late Night Bozos We love the Late Night Talk Shows
8.
Something went down in Jerusalem We don't know what it was Something went down in Jerusalem Was it Jesus or aliens? Something went down in Jerusalem A long, long time ago Something heavy had to happen in Jerusalem What it was we'll never know For thousands of years so many millions have been fighting Over Jerusalem. Everybody's Holy Land And for thousands of years so many voices crying My god your god his god their god somebody's god So many gods in one small town Is a little bitty bit too much of a coincidence I'll lay you odds that what went down Was a stop on a trip of an alien ship With a guy from the sky doing magic tricks Like walking on water, turn it into wine And we thought he was god Believe what ya like but Something went down in Jerusalem We don't know what it was Something went down in Jerusalem Was it Allah or aliens? No photos of what happened in Jerusalem They had no CNN But something went down in Jerusalem Was it Jehovah or aliens? From lightyears away, they might have come here on vacation To Jerusalem They came here to play with no intention Of creating controversy or sensation So many gods in one small town Is a little bitty bit too much of a coincidence Alien pods were never found Jehovah, Jah, Allah, Ra, Jesus or whatever Even if it was aliens, why not get together? Agree to disagree respectfully about Jehovah, Jah, Allah, Ra, Jesus or space traveller Believe it or not, brah Something went down They had no CNN
9.
Let's you and me go hear a rock & roll band They play all night long, we'll dance all night long But you just want to sit and listen to the radio Maybe baby we could take a walk in the night While the moon is high and the mood is right But you just want to sit and listen to the radio Radio Your mind is on the air Listen to the radio Do you even care If it's AM or FM radio I don't know I try to whisper sweet things into your ear But your headphone's on and you can't hear me All you ever want to do is listen to the radio I call you on the telephone but time after time Your recorded voice comes on the line Saying "Please leave a message 'cause I'm listening to the radio" Radio Your mind is on the air Listen to the radio Do you even care If it's AM or FM radio I certainly hope so You love your DJ. He talks so funky You dial his number. Request line junkie A busy signal or endless ringing Do you request the song I'm singing When you listen to the When you listen to the When you listen to the radio I wrote a song for you on my guitar yesterday That I want to play to serenade you But I can tell that you would rather listen to the radio Let's you and me go hear a rock & roll band They play all night long, we'll dance all night long But you just want to sit and listen to the radio You just want to sit and listen to the radio You just want to sit and listen to the radio
10.
Just because I come from the islands Doesn't mean that I can't rock & roll My heart sings out the melodies of my lands And the rhythm of the surf pounds in my soul The windblown trees are hypnotically swaying As we run and sing like children holding hands We feel the primal beat of nature playing Laughing we dance barefoot in the sand Laughing we dance barefoot in the sand Molten mountains Rise up from the sea Fiery fountains Create this paradise we see All the lands of Mother Earth are islands We are all arisen from the sea The brothers and the sisters of the oceans Let us all reach out in harmony Let us all reach out in harmony Molten mountains Rise up from the sea Fiery fountains Create this paradise we see Just because I come from the islands Doesn't mean that I can't rock & roll My heart sings out the melodies of my lands And the rhythm of the surf pounds in my soul The rhythm of the surf pounds in my soul
11.
I am not nervous or worried There is no way you'll say no way (never happen) I've got a six-string secret weapon And the song I plan to play will make you say I love the way you sing to me Hearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is right I love the song you bring to me Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight I am no master of romance I've been shot down a time or two (believe it or not) But now my six-string secret weapon Is loaded with this song and aimed at you (and you'll say) I love the way you sing to me Hearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is right I love the song you bring to me Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight Can you hear me now? (Oh, yes) Are you under my song's power? (Oh, yes) Are your inhibitions gone? Will you stay the whole night long? A prisoner of my song of love 'til dawn (and you'll say) I love the way you sing to me Hearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is right I love the song you bring to me Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight Say you'll stay and sing to me tonight
12.
Nobody Home 02:21
I love your look I love your walk Nobody Home...
13.
I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this - no no no What's so bad about a nipple? Are we afaid that the devil might be lurking there? Will our souls be corrupted by the sight of a de-cupped tit? Tell me what's so bad about a nipple that's bare? I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this - no no no What's so bad about a penis? An ordinary organ just hanging there Will the sight of a male member give us rabies or distemper? Tell me what's so bad about a penis that's bare? I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this But for those muscle-headed zeroes Our beloved TV heroes We clap and we cheer as they whip out their guns And when the blood and guts are splattered It really doesn't matter It's just good clean American fun I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this - no no no What's so bad about our bodies? Beautifully covered with skin and hair Is our nakedness so awful that exposure is unlawful? Tell me what's so bad about a body that's bare? I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this, but I can't show you that I can show you this - no no no
14.
Monster Hash 03:21
I was working in the lab late one night When I heard the gurgle of a waterpipe So I turned to see my monster in a cloud of smoke Who said "This shit ain't bad, here, have a toke" (We smoked some hash) - We smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - It was his personal stash (We smoked some hash) - We got completely trashed (On monster hash) - We smoked some monster hash As we partied in the castle with the living dead Mouths were dry and eyes were red The ghouls and goblins shrieked and screamed "Won't somebody please pass the Visine" (They smoked some hash) - They smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - From Frankie's personal stash (We smoked some hash) - And they all were smashed (On monster hash) - They smoked some monster hash The mummy was toking on a bong Wolfman said "Don't bogart that, pass it along" The swamp thing was toasted, rolling on the floor Laughing hysterically and pleading for more The scene was rocking as the werewolves moved To the undead reggae band's dance hall grooves Meanwhile in the kitchen Frankenstein baked Some Alice B. Toklas brownies and cakes (We ate some hash) - We ate some monster hash (Some monster hash) - It had the graveyard smashed (We ate some hash) - And we all got trashed (On monster hash) - We ate some monster hash The party would have gone on 'til we all passed out But just then we heard a bloodcurdling shout "Watch out, beware, cover your necks Dracula's got the munchies, and he's totally wrecked" (He smoked some hash) - He smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - He was completely smashed (He smoked some hash) - That transylvanian's trashed (On monster hash) - He smoked some monster hash Now every night the dead rise up from the grave To partake in our happening THC rave For you, the living, this hash was meant, too When you get to my door just say the Toyes sent you (We'll smoke some hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash (Some monster hash) - And we'll all get trashed (We'll smoke some hash) - From my personal stash (Of monster hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash mmmm - that shit gooood Easy, boy, save some for daddy mmm - hash gooood
15.
Dos Lenos 03:43
Dos leños por la manana, dos lenos al anochecer Dos leños por la tarde, que me llenan de placer Dos leños en tiempo de guerra, y dos en tiempo de paz Dos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños mas Mi padre me dijo una vez "Debes de trabajar" Mi madre me dijo una vez "No dejes de mejorar" Pero un dia conoci a un senor me dijo "Ven aca, Trabajar y mejorar, y cura tu cabesa" Por eso, Dos leños al levantarme, dos lenos para llevar Dos leños cuando juego videos, y a cada diez mil puntos Dos leños mas Dos leños en tiempo de guerra Y dos en tiempo de paz Dos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños mas Mi padre me dijo una vez "Debes de trabajar" Mi madre me dijo una vez "No dejes de mejorar" Pero un dia conoci a un senor me dijo "Ven aca, Trabajar y mejorar, y cura tu cabesa" Dos leños por la manana, dos lenos al anochecer Dos leños por la tarde, que me llenan de placer Dos leños en tiempo de guerra, y dos en tiempo de paz Dos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños mas DOS LEÑOS Eso hago! DOS LEÑOS Veni fumar dos leños con migo DOS LEÑOS Ire a fumar dos leños mas con tigo DOS LEÑOS Dos leños mas o seguimos jalando? DOS LEÑOS Ven a fumar! DOS LEÑOS DOS LEÑOS Eso hago!! DOS LEÑOS
16.
Je fume deux joints chaque matin, Je fume deux joints la nuit Je fumes deux joints apres dejeuner, Deux joints et je souris Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerre Je fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints,Puis je me fume encore une paire Maman me disait toujours "Fils, il faut travailler dur" Papa me disait toujours "Fils il faut etre fort et sur" Mais un jour un sage m'a donne L'universelle recette "Boulot bon et boulot bien Mais n'oublies pas la tete" Et depuis, Je fume deux joints en me levant, Sur la route je fume deux joints Je fume deux joints en jouant jeux videos, Et a chaque dix mille points (Je fume deux joints), Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerre Je fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints, Puis j'allumes encore une paire **** Oh, my daddy he once told me "Son, you be hard working man" My mama she once told me "Son, do the best you can" But then one day I met a man who came to me and said "Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head" Alors, Je fume deux joints en me levant, Sur la route je fume deux joints Je fume deux joints en jouant jeux videos, Et a chaque dix mille points (Je fume deux joints) Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerre Je fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints, Puis j'allumes encore une paire FUME DEUX JOINTS C'est ce que je fais, moi! FUME DEUX JOINTS Viens fumer deux joints avec moi dans la matinee FUME DEUX JOINTS Viens fumer deux joints avec moi dans la soiree FUME DEUX JOINTS Alors, on fume deux joints ou on se remet au boulot? FUME DEUX JOINTS J'savais que t'allais dire ca! FUME DEUX JOINTS C'est ce que je fais, moi! FUME DEUX JOINTS

about

"The debut from this Oregon-based reggae band shows lots of promise. It's got that slightly ragged, self-released sound about it, but all the necessary ingredients are there: intelligent, often funny lyrics, hooky melodies, ponderous basslines. The Toyes' signature tune seems to be the whimsical "Two Joints" ("I smoke two joints in times of peace/And two in times of war/I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints/And then I smoke two more"). It begins the program, and the album ends with two more versions, one in Spanish and one in French. In between there's a spectacular reggae version of "Freebird" and a hilarious sendup of the old novelty tune "Monster Mash," rewritten and dubbed (as it were) "Monster Hash." Among the fine originals are "Wake Up (And Smell the Java)" and "Late Night Bozos," which takes on Leno and Letterman. The bandleader is a guy named Mawg who can't seem to decide whether to fake a Jamaican accent (correct answer: don't), but who has a great voice and an incisive, smart-alecky sense of humor. The band kicks consistently and hard. Get these guys into a good studio and they'll make some major noise."

~ Rick Anderson of allmusic.com

credits

released January 1, 1996

Produced by Mawg + B-dub
"Smoke Two Joints" + Translations produced by Mawg + Sky

The Toyes Are:
Mawg - Vocals, Guitars
Sky - Bass
B-dub - Keys, Guitar
Hux - Percussion, Drums
Rags - Keys
(Everyone sings backups + pounds on things)
Thanks to Ricci Accardi - Drums on "Smoke Two Joints"
Recorded + Mixed by Mawg + B-dub, except for
"Smoke 2..." + Translations also recorded by Ed Roy + Submixed by Don Ross
"Dos Lenos" Translation by Jose Barragan
Mastered by Bernie Grundman at his place

Thanks to: Everyone at KROQ, Especially Native Wayne Jobson (All the best, Wayne!)
Dr. Demento + Dementoids everywhere (Stay demented!)
The people of Hawaii (Don't you think it's time we gave them back their islands?)
John Grappone, Austin Godsey, Sublime, The Folks At Bug Music, Ira Selsky, Bob Keller, Bush Doktor, Papa Pilgrim, Steve Lang

Extra Huge Thanks To: Zachary Magic Kay, Paulette Kay, Carol Durr, Bob Durr, Rick Grossman, David Bolen, Mike Sidon

Peace + Love To All!

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The Toyes Grants Pass, Oregon

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